atheism & fellowship behaviour(ottawa)

[mynameislegion]

THINK - it’s not being taxed - yet!

Hi, my name is greg & I am an eccentric curmudgeon,

Recently I heard a speaker ask those in attendance to hold their breaths to illustrate the point that although breath is nourishing; it is worthless, bordering on hurt and danger, to hold on to. This analogy hints at some points I have been pondering lately. First - let me acknowledge that you may want to take anything I say with a grain of salt if your measure of success in na is complete and continuous abstinence with no breaks. If, however, 3 decades of observation and life experience have any value then read on but be prepared to have your beliefs challenged. Also know that I no longer consider myself a member but do attend open meetings. I no longer choose to identify as an addict per se as I now believe in abstinence without labels. So as far as your tradition 3 goes I do not have a desire to stop as I already have, but I do have reasons for staying stopped. And although I believe emphatically that there has to be a better way than na; until I find it the discipline of making myself do what I don’t want to seems to be de rigueur.

That out of the way my contention is this - why, for a bunch of people who finally acknowledged that they had to change their way of doing things, does the fellowship of na resist the evolution of its literature, structure, and program - specifically the steps - in language, gender and their monotheistic mythology.

I believe in the power of belief. I have watched people make incredible changes in their lives based on their belief that they were being looked after by some force. My personal stuck point is that I know it was the belief that allowed them to take those risks not some outside force changing them from within. I used to try to use the power of “we”- when 2 people join in the same purpose there is a force created that allows them to accomplish what neither could do alone. But this force did not exist before they came together for this purpose. So I used to use the fellowship but I have become jaded with the overall treatment of each other I have observed and with the tolerance of some obvert behaviours in the name of spiritual principles.

My dream is of a group of people who come together to share their experiences with each other of what works and what doesn’t in maintaining abstinence. Recognizing that it is the act of coming together for that sole purpose and adhering to it that gives them all the strength to move forward - nothing more, nothing less. The time has come for the fellowship to stop living in each other’s back pockets. To stop commenting on how each other lives. To stop using program rhetoric to on one hand defend the actions of those in their “circle” while at the same time using that very rhetoric to condemn the actions of those who are not. If the fellowship were to take collective responsibility for not letting people use meetings as a dumping ground for their issues outside abstinence or “how their week went” or a social network focused on what the other guy is doing; it might find people actually having and using sponsors. If individuals said “if it didn’t happen to you personally I don’t want to hear about it” they might have the time to look at the way they themselves treat people.

The originator of the steps himself observed - after his supposed religious experience - that it was the transmission to others of what he had found that helped him maintain abstinence not the outside force. If people recognized that this is true then the fellowship might not find itself begging for people to fill service positions; it might not need people who no longer consider themselves members to answer the call for submissions to its newsletter. It might find members finally coming to terms with the fact that their behaviour sends more messages than their quotations. What gets accomplished when one calls people their brothers and sisters with one breath then expresses entitlement to their road rage with the next?

Now: an expression of gratitude. I am not unique but I am an individual. I am capable of and regularly practice independent thought. I can think outside the box and no longer need to sound like everybody else in order to feel included. I wear shirts to meetings that say there is no god. I challenge people to think for themselves - to question everything. I get up every day and simply tell myself that I would rather be at peace than be right and that I don’t need anything to go my way. All of this is an outgrowth of the fact that I have followed na directions. I have left nothing out - steps, service, sponsor, home group etc. I am signing this with my full name so ask around to see if this is true. So although I don’t measure up to and no longer place total emphasis on accumulating clean time as the sole measure of success(I stopped being an expert on na and started being an expert on myself) -am I a changed man?- Absolutely! None of what I have said here or my present state of being or sense of peace would have been possible if I hadn’t done the work.

So why write this treatise? Because there might be more like me. Whose oversensitivity to negativity makes it difficult for them to have the type of behaviour around them that I have observed before they too start giving themselves permission to start treating people badly. That there might be others who struggle with their knowledge that the idea of one god is a human construct. And maybe, just maybe, wake people up to the fact that they are being watched.

Yours sincerely,

Greg Ward

p.s. although the newsletter may not be able to use this at all because of my present status I must insist that if they do they print my full name and pass any editorial changes by me or I rescind my permission to put this to print.

[cleanfreakable]

You had a lot of great points Greg. Thank you for being you and writing from the heart. Love and light. Ryan W.-Spokane, WA